This has truly been one of the hardest summers I have ever had. See Sid graduated in May and in my mind that meant we would be headed out of here soon. Well....that has not been the case. In fact we are looking at sometime next year. I have and still am struggling with this realization. Seminary has been an amazing experience, but for the last three and a half years I feel like I have been away from home.

I remember being away at camp as an Acteen and at night when it was time to turn in I would put my face in my pillow and cry myself to sleep, because I longed to be home where I belonged. This has been very similar! I am here with the people I love most, but to be honest we have all struggled with that feeling this summer.

See if I could have the summer I wanted...I would be with my family, niece and nephew and the rest of my family chilling at the beach. That is where I have always felt renewed and refreshed, and have amazing memories of summers just like that growing up.

I know my oldest is just three years away from graduation and work and all the things that will start making those times seem so much harder to find. But for the last 5 years we have not had that experience.

So the last few weeks I have had to give it completely to God, because I was trying to carry it myself and had reached a breaking point. Then he gently reminds me I am NOT in control. He knows the desires of my heart. He created me.

Tonight I was struggling. I was sitting in the den, just trying to hold it all together while the kids brushed their teeth and got into bed then I had an appointment with my pillow for a good cry. All of the sudden I heard a really strange sound. It startled me, I wasn't sure but is sounded like RAIN! We have not seen rain in something like 28 days! So I ran to the patio door and sure enough it was rain! The kids had joined me by now and before I knew it we were standing in the rain and laughing and singing..."showers of blessings showers of blessing we need, mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead..." Mercy? Yes, we had just had a shower of mercy. A cold down pour of mercy. Instead of the appointment I had made to cry now I was standing in the yard with the kids soaking wet and laughing.

It only lasted 10 minutes or so, but I am believing that more is on the way!